What is après-kite?
The most common thing to do after kiting/surfing/swimming/sun bathing and all other water-related sports is to join your fellow colleagues at an aprés-sport establishment. Such establishments vary from place to place and from country to county in this diverse corner of the globe. The list below gives you a number of places you can hang out after a tiring sporty day. The bigger the bum you are the more time you are likely to spend at the après-kite:
Spain
In Spain people usually gather at a Chiringuito (pronounced τσιρινγκίτο). They usually serve snacks, light food, baquette sandwiches (called bogadillos, pronounced μποκαδίγιος) but can also serve tortillas, camarones, cocochas, club-sandwich and other local delicacies, all to be washed down with the local cerveza (beer) of your choice. Chiringuito snacks-bars are here for you to be devoured.
Useful tips: here you may greet hot chicks (called, τσίκας ) on the street just by saying "hola guapa" (όλα ουάπα) at them, then simply walk away.
Beware: spanish girls are extremey short, which means that you will feel like Michael Jordan during your stay. Do not let this deter you and make you think that you are actually tall.
Language tips: la cuenta por favor = the bill please / dos canias = two small beers / hola chico = what's up mate?
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Useful tips: here you may greet hot chicks (called, τσίκας ) on the street just by saying "hola guapa" (όλα ουάπα) at them, then simply walk away.
Beware: spanish girls are extremey short, which means that you will feel like Michael Jordan during your stay. Do not let this deter you and make you think that you are actually tall.
Language tips: la cuenta por favor = the bill please / dos canias = two small beers / hola chico = what's up mate?
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Greece
In Greece people usually hang out at a taverna. Here you can enjoy all sorts of local delicacies like rib-eye steak, chips, fish, soublaki, octopuss (to be eaten with ouzo), gemista, pastitsio and other lavish dishes.
After your meal feel free to try a frappé, fredo, fredoccino, mococino and for the more audacious, fredomococococino (their name origin remains a mystery). For more traditional people there is turkish coffee, order it by simply asking for a "greek coffee" in order to avoid accusations of being a spy from Turkey.
Useful tips: DO NOT, in any circumsance, try to approach, whistle, stork or talk to any girl on the street that you do not happen know beforehand, especially if she's hot. You will be slapped, spat on and totally avoided, probably pointed at and accused of being a rapist (in the local language ανώμαλος) . This can also be true, to a lesser extent, for ugly girls.
External links: Wikipedia.org/wiki/Frappè
Language tips: to logariasmo = the bill please / mia frappedia = one frappé / xtapodaki xudato = octapus with vinegar
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After your meal feel free to try a frappé, fredo, fredoccino, mococino and for the more audacious, fredomococococino (their name origin remains a mystery). For more traditional people there is turkish coffee, order it by simply asking for a "greek coffee" in order to avoid accusations of being a spy from Turkey.
Useful tips: DO NOT, in any circumsance, try to approach, whistle, stork or talk to any girl on the street that you do not happen know beforehand, especially if she's hot. You will be slapped, spat on and totally avoided, probably pointed at and accused of being a rapist (in the local language ανώμαλος) . This can also be true, to a lesser extent, for ugly girls.
External links: Wikipedia.org/wiki/Frappè
Language tips: to logariasmo = the bill please / mia frappedia = one frappé / xtapodaki xudato = octapus with vinegar
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Italy
The land of the pizza and the home of the lazy, Italy is irrefutably a place where people know how to kill time under the strong italian sun. Here people feed on fresh melons rapped around prosciutto, called prosciutto di parma crudo con melone (pictured), fresh pasta topped with pomodoro sauce (from an old grandma's recipe which is kept secret through generations), salad with extra virgin olive oil and what else but the around the world beloved pizza. This place reminds Greeks of their home country so the air smells better, times flies faster and needless to say that the chicks look hotter.
Of course no meal would be complete without an espresso with an amaretto biscuit in the end.
Useful tips: Please be aware that italian men will fround upon other men with unshaved legs. Always dress up wearing the latest fashionware in order to avoid gossip. Fashion designers are all gay but no Italian will ever admit that there is a single gay person in Italy.
Language tips: il conto per favore = the bill please / une birra medio = a big beer please / caffee dopio = double coffee
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Of course no meal would be complete without an espresso with an amaretto biscuit in the end.
Useful tips: Please be aware that italian men will fround upon other men with unshaved legs. Always dress up wearing the latest fashionware in order to avoid gossip. Fashion designers are all gay but no Italian will ever admit that there is a single gay person in Italy.
Language tips: il conto per favore = the bill please / une birra medio = a big beer please / caffee dopio = double coffee
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Dervio - Chiringuito de Pepe
Although within Italy, a special mention is definitely required for the famous beach bar "DLounge", although the local kite surfers will tell you that it is also known as "Chiringuito de Pepe". With its doors open from 7am to 4am, this place is undoubtedly the place to be while visiting Dervio. The DJ is called "DJ Nuovo" but his real name, till today, remains a mystery. The local kites dudes who use climbing as their Plan B will tell you that Plan C is this specific bar. This place is so beloved, among other reasons, due to its strategic position within the community of Dervio. The kite club, the camping place and the beach are all located within 100m of the vicinity. With its helpful staff and delicious meals this place is unreservadly the best place in Dervio to chill.
Mr DJ Nuovo plays relaxing lounge music till 11am. Thereafter the drum & base beats start with an accelerating wrath which makes intolerant and grumpy old men disappear. At the same time this place becomes a magnet to the young and enthousiastis folk of this vibrant village.
A picture of this place is not available, making this place even more mystic that it already is.
Useful tips: Arrive early to avoid disappointment.
The owner also works at the bar. He will pour out free beers for you after 1am if he looks drunk.
A splash in the icy-cold lake will reinvigorate you from the most terrible hangovers the next morning.
Do not stay here too long. Once two Greeks spent 12 hours here in one day, they have been
missing ever since.
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Mr DJ Nuovo plays relaxing lounge music till 11am. Thereafter the drum & base beats start with an accelerating wrath which makes intolerant and grumpy old men disappear. At the same time this place becomes a magnet to the young and enthousiastis folk of this vibrant village.
A picture of this place is not available, making this place even more mystic that it already is.
Useful tips: Arrive early to avoid disappointment.
The owner also works at the bar. He will pour out free beers for you after 1am if he looks drunk.
A splash in the icy-cold lake will reinvigorate you from the most terrible hangovers the next morning.
Do not stay here too long. Once two Greeks spent 12 hours here in one day, they have been
missing ever since.
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Grandma with the Wig
The Grandma with the Wig is the burger-flipper at DLounge. She will prepare the most juicy, tender, crispy burgers you have ever had. No one knows why she is wearing a wig, no one really knows if she really is a she.
Photographic evidence of her existence is scarce, almost non-existent.
Useful tips: she pronounces burger "μπούργκερ".
The Grandma is camera-shy, she is seen here mastering the burgers, hiding behind the bbq cover.
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Photographic evidence of her existence is scarce, almost non-existent.
Useful tips: she pronounces burger "μπούργκερ".
The Grandma is camera-shy, she is seen here mastering the burgers, hiding behind the bbq cover.
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Switzerland
This is your typical Café in Switzerland during the summer months. Sitting with a newspaper under your bum and an ombrella over your head is definitely recommended here. Your coffee, needless to say, will be mixed with impurities and taste of rain water within seconds after ordering it. This is the exact reason why such coffee places should be generally avoided, especially during the months June to August. The only people you will find here are geeks and losers who can't afford a trasportation method that could take them south of the Alps.
Userful tips: Check the weather before attempting to visit such a place. Regardles of the forecast,
bring an ombrella just in case.
An ombrella a day keeps the doctor away.
Language tips: cho mir zale? = the bill please / d'asse isch mega guet gsi = the meal was very nice / isch die chuchi n'offe? = is the kitschen still open?
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Userful tips: Check the weather before attempting to visit such a place. Regardles of the forecast,
bring an ombrella just in case.
An ombrella a day keeps the doctor away.
Language tips: cho mir zale? = the bill please / d'asse isch mega guet gsi = the meal was very nice / isch die chuchi n'offe? = is the kitschen still open?
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France
In France people usually meet up at a Brasserie. Here you can enjoy a coffee with a croissant, light meals and steaks so bloody that you would think that the animal is still alive. The French will think that you are a canibal if you order your steak "well done".
Useful tips: French people can be extremely arrogant and expect you to speak perfect French, even if you are a tourist. If this is the case do not hesitate to pretend that you are fluent in French by mummbling all the french words you know like "oui Pier, je suis aller-retour, macaronia fricase, un deux trois, sac voyages"
Language tips: l'audition sil vous plait = the bill please / je voudrais le plat du jour = I would like the set menu / je suis prêt(e) à commander = I am ready to order
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Useful tips: French people can be extremely arrogant and expect you to speak perfect French, even if you are a tourist. If this is the case do not hesitate to pretend that you are fluent in French by mummbling all the french words you know like "oui Pier, je suis aller-retour, macaronia fricase, un deux trois, sac voyages"
Language tips: l'audition sil vous plait = the bill please / je voudrais le plat du jour = I would like the set menu / je suis prêt(e) à commander = I am ready to order
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England
In England people go to the only entertainment this country offers, called a pub (pronounced πάμπ and in some parts πούμπ). with funny names such as The White Lion (pictured), The Crazy Dog, The Shagging Goose, The Jacko Wako, The Hairy Biker... etc.
Useful tips: hot chicks here are non existent (except for foreigners which are also rarely hot). Sometimes you will see bulky objects coming towards you, these are mingers (=μπάζο ). Do not try to approach girls, they will approach you. If such a case occurs, which is very likely, then excuse yourself politely and run as fast as you can as soon as you are out of their site in order to avoid Herpes, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia and any other sexually trasmitted disease.
Beware: never ask a Brit to join you for dinner on Friday night. If such a case occurs you will be confronted with a grimace and the obvious answer of "eating is cheating" or "have liquid dinner".
Language tips: pint'o'lager = 1 beer please / say geez? = excuse me, could you repeat that please? / give us a buzz loita = could you please call me later
I'm on the piss up = I am drinking / I'm on the pull = I'm single and looking / lend us a pony = could you please lend me £20?
where can I score = where can I buy drugs?
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Useful tips: hot chicks here are non existent (except for foreigners which are also rarely hot). Sometimes you will see bulky objects coming towards you, these are mingers (=μπάζο ). Do not try to approach girls, they will approach you. If such a case occurs, which is very likely, then excuse yourself politely and run as fast as you can as soon as you are out of their site in order to avoid Herpes, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia and any other sexually trasmitted disease.
Beware: never ask a Brit to join you for dinner on Friday night. If such a case occurs you will be confronted with a grimace and the obvious answer of "eating is cheating" or "have liquid dinner".
Language tips: pint'o'lager = 1 beer please / say geez? = excuse me, could you repeat that please? / give us a buzz loita = could you please call me later
I'm on the piss up = I am drinking / I'm on the pull = I'm single and looking / lend us a pony = could you please lend me £20?
where can I score = where can I buy drugs?
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